


touching (close to home)

by nuandia



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Banter, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fever, For reasons, Hypothermia, Idiots in Love, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, The Love Is Requited They're Just Idiots, boys being soft, but seriously there's a frozen lake, heavy snow, honestly just so much cuddling, ice-breaking story, idiots (pining) to idiots (dating), it's in front of their faces, oblivious idiots, situation misunderstandings, taking care of each other, they're just fucking blind
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29570061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuandia/pseuds/nuandia
Summary: After their car breaks down they’re stuck somewhere in Canada on their way to a gig. Convinced, they still can reach it in time, they decide to trek to the nearest village. Walking there through the snow-covered landscape might not have been the brightest idea they've had. Instead they seek shelter in a cabin.With only the three of them, sharing one frozen braincell, that keeps thawing and revealing feelings and secrets, nothing could go wrong.Right?
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 91





	1. 01 - Reggie

“The engine’s not starting.”

“Have you tried-”

“Yes, I’ve tried, Alex.. The engine’s still not starting!”

“But maybe we could-”

“It won’t work. The engine’s broken!”

  
“The engine’s not broken. What if we-”

“Dammit, Alex! I tried, I’ve tried everything, you’ve seen me try everything!”

For the last fifteen minutes Alex and Luke have almost been at each other’s throats. Ever since Alex hit his head on the window, map in his lap, crying out that they’ve gone the wrong way. Luke had slammed the brakes and the car skidded along the snowy, icy road into a particular big bank of snow. Now they can’t get to the engine, because the whole front of the car and even the windshield is covered in snow and freeing the car might take more strength out of them than necessary, especially if the car won’t start when they’re done.

So now they’re stuck somewhere in Canada on their way to a gig, which they might not reach in time.

Even worse, Alex and Luke have started their whisper-shouting match since Luke tried to get the engine working again, without any success.

It somehow reminds Reggie of the constant fighting at home but … this is worse, this is so much worse. He’s used to the constant fighting at home, the raised voices, the scathing comments … but he’s not at home. He’s at his safe place (wherever Alex and Luke are). This should not be happening. Granted, there are no mean-spirited comments, but his parents started with normal bickering too that turned into worse and worse fights.

“Guys?”, his voice sounds thin to his own ears. Luke and Alex turn around immediately, eyes wide like they just remembered that Reggie’s in the car with them. He can see Alex swallow, lowering his eyes in shame. Luke’s watching him, his perfect puppy look on his face, mouth slightly open.

He hates it. He hates that they feel almost chastised when he calls them out. It makes him feel weak. He shouldn’t feel, he should-

“Sorry Reg”, Luke whispers and raises his right hand to squeeze the side of Reggie’s neck. Luke’s hand is warm, the residual warmth of the heater radiating off of it.

“Me too”, Alex says, there’s still an edge to his voice as he speaks the words. “It’s just – I’m mostly frustrated with myself. It was my job to read the map and if I’d done it properly, then we wouldn’t-”

  
“Hey, you don’t know. The car might still have given out. We might still have slid into a snow bank. We don’t know”, Luke interrupts immediately, his other hand finds Alex’s neck and squeezes just as it did with him. Alex nods tightly, eyes still downcast, but Reggie knows he’s not placated. He can literally see the scream of self doubt run through Alex’s head.

Then Alex swallows and breathes in deeply, finally looking at them. “So, what do we do now?”, his voice is unsure as he grips the fabric of his pants with his right hand harder.

Luke huffs, leaning back against the door so he can look at Alex and Reggie at the same time. “Wait for help? I mean we are expected at the venue and when we don’t show up people will come look for us, right? I mean at least Bobby will realise that three quarter of his band is missing and make some calls.”

Right, Bobby. His grandparents wanted to see them perform, when they heard of their gig. They love Canada and decided to surround it with a vacation. Bobby had driven off a few days earlier than them, narrowly missing the big snowfall that had turned the streets into death traps.

“True”, Alex concedes, although he does use that tone of voice that clearly says he disagrees. “But we accidentally took a different route. It may take longer for people to actually find us. Plus it’ll freeze at night. The temperature is already going down without the heater and if the engine’s not working then we can’t throw it back on, which means we have no heat. What- I- I- I don’t know what to do, honestly. Do we stay in the car? I mean at least we have shelter here, or should we move? It’s getting real cold at night and the engine’s not working … so, is it safer to sleep in here? Can we stay in here without freezing to death? But if we decide to leave the car and we’re stuck outside in nothing but our jackets … that would be worse, right? What do we do? Leave or stay?”, Alex is breathing harshly by the time he comes to an end. Reggie’s head is swirling, he hasn’t put much thought into what’s coming next.

“You’re catastrophizing again”, Luke says gently, just as Reggie mumbles, “that’s a lot to take into account.”

Luke presses his hand to Alex’s chest and counts his breaths with him at the same time as Reggie reaches for his hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand. Alex still holds the map loosely between two of his fingers as he calms down, his breathing regulating again as he breathes with Luke. Alex smiles at him with wet eyes and Luke rubs the two escaped tears gently off Alex’s cheeks.

It’s such a soft and intimate moment. He’ll probably never tell them, but he loves these moments, even if they’re born out of hurt or desperation. But the way how neither of the boys ever reacts violently or angry at each other’s short comings makes his heart beat harder for them. It makes him want to bury himself between them, feel both of them breathing at either side.

“Is there anything close by where we can crash?”, Reggie asks quietly, looking down at the map.

Alex looks first to him and then follows his gaze down at the map, like he’s forgotten it’s down there. He opens it and Reggie tries to lean as much forward as possible, pressing his shoulder against Alex’s shoulder blade.

“Where are we exactly?”, Luke asks.

Alex worries his lower lip and then draws a circle around an area with his index finger. “I think we’re somewhere around here.”

“You think?”

Alex bites down harder. His jaw is tense and Reggie places his hand on his knee. Alex looks back up, a small, tight smile on his lips. Reggie can see the indentations on his lower lip. It’s plush and Reggie wants to-

“Yeah”, Alex says quietly. He pushes his hair out of his eyes and goes down the map with his fingers, effectively guiding Reggie’s attention to more important details. “There’s nothing close by we can stay at. I guess it’s best if we sleep in here and if nobody’s found us by then we’ll have to walk. If we can cut through the forest here, then we should make it to the village by midday.”

“And then we might still make it to the gig in the evening”, Luke finishes, smiling. “This’ll work out, boys”, he grins and Reggie answers it with the same enthusiasm, because Luke’s passion has always been infectious.

“Yeah, we’ll just have to brace for the night. So … cuddle puddle?” The comment has its intended purpose. Both boys grin at him.

“Don’t you mean cuddle pile?”, Alex asks. Reggie shakes his head.

  
“Nah, cuddle puddle with my two favourite band members.”

“Don’t let Bobby hear that”, Alex says, but he’s smiling softly at Reggie, that same smile that makes something in Reggie’s gut swoop.

“Bobby already knows”, Luke laughs and pushes Alex gently aside. “So yeah, cuddle puddle”, Luke confirms and moves to climb in the back with Reggie. Reggie moves to the side, so Luke can shimmy in next to him. He grins back to Alex, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Idiots”, he says, but Alex’s voice is fond.

  
“Your idiots”, Luke chimes in, grinning and throwing an arm over Reggie’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Alex laughs breathlessly, shaking his head.

  
“Yeah”, he agrees just a touch too soft. Reggie wants to grab him and pull him towards them. Then Alex nods to himself and looks back up. “I guess we should prepare for tonight.”

They take in what they actually have here. Luke has a few granola bars in his backpack as well as half a bottle of some soft drink. Alex has two big water bottles (one of which is for Reggie, he knows), barely touched, and the thermos where his tea used to be in. He also has a few sandwiches and apple slices. Reggie has a banana, crackers and a bag of gummy bears. He forgot to pack something to drink again.

The trunk of the car is pretty big. After they push down the backseats even Alex is able to lie down more or less comfortably. They have one blanket that Mrs. Patterson forgot in the trunk the last time she drove the car and that’s it.

“Cuddle puddle”, Reggie repeats and this time when Alex nods it’s more serious than it was before. The temperature has dropped down, or maybe it’s just reached the inside of the car since the heater won’t supply them with its warmth anymore.

They eat dinner in a sort of calm, already huddled together, shoulders pressed against each other, dressed in their winter jackets. Reggie’s fingers are cold as he takes the sandwich that Alex gives him. He doesn’t have gloves and since their original plan was to get to the venue, eat, sleep, play a little and then do something the next day, he thought he’d be fine. If need would arise, he’d buy some at the venue. Now he pulls his shirt up, burying his fingers there as they share the apple slices and the banana.

They empty Luke’s soda first and then share the already opened water bottle. Alex is careful to ration their food. He has that tight jaw thing going for him again and both Reggie and Luke refrain from teasing him about it, knowing that Alex’ll just feel worse about his worry and his anxiety. He already blames himself.

Reggie continues to tell Alex gently, that they’ll be fine by tomorrow, he’s certain of it. Alex’s smile loosens up slowly.

When it’s getting darker they huddle close in their sweatshirts. Reggie’s in the middle with either of the boys on one side. Reggie doesn’t admit it, but it’s his favourite position to fall asleep. He loves having at least one of them close. Bobby works as well, but he’s not into the cuddling as the other two are.

They lay the jackets beneath them and then press together in the darkness. Alex had given Luke and Reggie each a pair of thick woollen socks he’d brought just in case it’ll be too cold. They slip them on and then pull their boots over.

Reggie can feel Luke breathing against his neck, small huffs of warm air. Alex has his arm around Reggie’s torso. He does that with everybody when he’s falling asleep, curling his arms around other people and keeping them close to his body. Or … well at least Reggie knows that he does it with Luke as well. It’s not like he’s all that comfortable with cuddling with just anybody. But Reggie is a willing victim, because Alex is warm and he always smells just like Alex, that same vanilla shampoo and deodorant he’s used for years now. It smells like safety.

“This is not so bad”, Luke mumbles in the darkness. Alex huffs, his breath tickling Reggie’s ear, making him giggle.

“Really? Because I could’ve imagined a better place to be than here. In a real bed, in a house somewhere where we’re not waiting either for someone to safe us or to freeze to death.”

Reggie stiffens in Alex’s arms at the thought and Alex presses his forehead against Reggie’s shoulder in a silent apology.

Reggie knows that Alex sometimes runs his mouth when he’s anxious and there’s nothing he can do about it.

“I meant, Alexander”, Luke chides, raising his voice slightly to make Alex stop talking, “that I don’t dislike the situation. I mean yeah the circumstances are not ideal, but this is like camping. Just us in a jeep, travelling the country? One last adventure before we make it with our music.”

“You always think the next gig is the one that’ll bring us on the map-”

“I think that’s a great idea”, Reggie interrupts Alex. He squeezes Alex’s side and Alex grumbles. “We could sleep outside under the stars, just us. Going anywhere”, he sighs. Luke grins up at him mischievously.

“ _Just a small town girl  
Livin' in a lonely world  
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere  
Just a city boy  
Born and raised in South Detroit  
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere_“, Luke starts singing. Reggie giggles and Alex groans, but it’s that fond sound again, that makes his irritation irrelevant. Reggie joins in singing and then Alex starts humming and drumming his fingers on the floor until they’re belting out the rest of Journey’s _Don’t Stop Believin’._

L uke’s turning around to him, grinning at him with a spark in his eyes. It’s Luke just being Luke and Reggie wants to kiss him so bad  just for that . Instead he bites the inside of his cheek. 

“But yeah, we should definitely do it. We could make a list of which places we should visit. We can do it in summer.”

“You think you can wait that long to be discovered by a big music producer?”, Alex mumbles and his voice is teasing. But when Luke answers, looking right at Reggie, his voice is more serious.

“Yeah, I think I can.”

Reggie smiles bright, pulling Luke closer and he laughs, which makes Reggie laugh and in turn Alex. This moment would be perfect were it not for the whole situation surrounding them.

Luke’s always so optimistic, telling them they’ll be discovered and then they’ll rock the world. Never doubting anything about them and Reggie admires that about him.

Reggie wants what Luke wants, he does. But at the same time he’s afraid, because he doesn’t want to lose _this_. He’s seen the scrutiny famous people are under and he doesn’t want to have to explain why he’s cuddling with his band members or why he can fall asleep much better if they’re here with him or why he looks like he wants to kiss them.

They’ve always been so close.

“It’ll stay like this, right?”, he mumbles. Alex grumbles a half sleepy question and when he focuses back on Luke, he’s fallen asleep, his features relaxed in the light of the moon. 

“It has to”, he mumbles, pressing his forehead to Luke’s.

He stays quiet, but  sleep doesn’t come over him .  It’s be e n already freezing and now it’s just getting colder,  although the two bodies against his do provide some warmth. 

Reggie can’t fall asleep. He wishes he could, but Alex’s body is warm on his back and it feels like he’s chasing the cold  away  to the parts of his body where Alex is not touching him, which is just rude. Then Alex presses his mouth against the back of Reggie’s neck and Reggie  _melts_ . There’s no doubt about it now that Alex is asleep  as well , otherwise he would never touch him like this, Reggie’s sure.  But he feels his lips scorching hot against his sensitive skin.

Alex has always been careful with his touches and Reggie’s been sad to see the small boy he met in elementary school become so paranoid when he grew older.

First it was Alex’s parents. Reggie remembers being over for dinner and holding Alex’s hand because he was in a new environment and he was nervous, even though Mrs. Mercer had been extremely nice at this point. But Alex’s father had seen and cocked a single eyebrow and said the words, “only girls need to touch all the time. Are you a girl?”, and the tone had been so deep and laden with context Reggie didn’t understand. But Alex did and he’d stopped touching him immediately, staring down at his plate for the rest of the dinner.

Then it was Alex’s fear of being found out that he was gay. Reggie didn’t know it then, but looking back it became obvious how he shied away from his and Luke’s touches even when they were in a safe space.

The three of them have always been more carefree with touches and embraces than other people and Reggie loves that about them.

Sometimes it hurts him, seeing the way Alex restraints himself, like he’s putting a collar on, stopping himself from enjoying the little things.

He feels Alex shiver and jiggling closer, his hips flush against Reggie’s ass and oh no-

Deadpuppiesdeadpuppiesdeadpuppiesdeadpuppiesdeadpuppiesdeadpuppiesdeadpuppiesdeadpuppiesdeadpuppiesdeadpuppiesdeadpuppiesdeadpuppiesdeadpup- 

He’s good again.

Luke huffs in front of him, moving closer. His faces inches from his own. He can clearly see the white of his teeth where his lips are just a tad open, snoring shallowly. His lips slack and pink. His eyelashes are fanned across his cheeks.

Usually he loves being in the middle but right now? This? This is sweet, sweet torture. And he is a weak, weak man.

Reggie’s heart is hammering in his chest, he could press their lips together if he wanted. He could- but he doesn’t. He’d never mistreat that trust his best friends put into him. No matter how much he wants to.

So instead he lies there, with Alex at his back, pressed against his warm body and Luke against his front, sliding oh so much closer. This might just be his personal hell.  Touching without touching. At the same time this is just so good. He wants to sleep like this every night.  He knows this is all he’ll ever get and he should be happy with that. He should be happy that they even like him so much that they put up with him each and every day, that they listen to his ideas and let him talk about anything and nothing. 

This has to be good enough.

This is good enough.

He closes his eyes tightly and listens to Alex breath and Luke snore and lets their rhythm of sound and the warmth chase away the coldness.

The last thing he  thinks of before he finally falls asleep is of the three of them lying somewhere on the grass at night, looking up at the night sky trying to count the stars. 


	2. 02 - Luke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is first, when his boot gets caught in a root or something and it actually takes Reggie to pull on him to get Alex out of it. After him it’s Luke when he isn’t looking where he’s going and suddenly he’s surrounded by plants too tall and too thick to go through and then his foot dips lower than anticipated into a snow bank and he has to crawl out. 
> 
> Or, three idiots walk through a forest and their shared braincell is frozen.

When Luke wakes up the next day, he’s cold. The blanket has slipped off his shoulders and is pulled somewhere around Alex. Luke has a leg thrown over Reggie’s hip and his face pressed against the skin where his neck touches his shoulder. His back is cold, but his front is warm and he slings his arm around Reggie’s torso to slide his hand between Alex and Reggie’s bodies.

He hears Alex giggle and he’s not sure if he’s actually awake or still dreaming. He doesn’t bother to find out. It’s probably still too early and the boys are warm and comfy, but he does pull on the blanket, because his arms and his back are still cold.

Luke hears Alex grumble and that’s the sign for him being either at least half-awake or about to wake up. He’s heard that sound hundreds of times, it’s easy to decipher. Reggie’s still fast asleep against himself and Luke uses that excuse to close his eyes and lay in the warmth for just a few more moments.

Which he uses to press himself against his boys and tighten his leg around them.

“Why is your shoe on my butt”, Alex grumbles, voice thick like it always is when he’s just awoken. Luke feels him tap with his fingers on his shin, just above where his boot ends.

“For warmth”, Luke explains into Reggie’s skin, voice muffled. Alex makes another noise, but otherwise doesn’t move either. They lie there, breathing, gently waking up on their own.

It’s Alex who finally breaks the silence. Luke’s just been about to fall back asleep. “What time is it?”

“Didn’t check”, he mumbles, trying to hold on to Alex’s hoodie, but the drummer sighs again and stretches, lifting his head so he can check the clock at the car’s dashboard. “It’s ten. We should get up and eat if we want to make it through the forest on time.”

Luke sits up, he almost forgot about their gig. He also didn’t think it was this late already, the whole atmosphere feels like seven in the morning. Eight at best. He sighs and shakes Reggie’s shoulder gently. The boy whines, burying himself more into the jackets below.

He can’t fight the smile sneaking itself on his face, not that he wanted to.

“Reg, wake up”, Luke mumbles. Reggie looks up, eyes still half closed and sleepy.

“Hm?”

“We gotta get up, get to the village and get to our gig”, Luke gathers the jacket from below him, which is still halfway under Reggie, who does not move.

“’s cold”, he mumbles, trying to curl in on himself.

He is freaking cute, when he’s half asleep, Luke’ll give him that.

“I know and it’s not going to get any warmer”, Luke says. Reggie slides backwards into Alex’s arms and he can see the blond blush faintly as Reggie presses himself against his front.

“Alex’s warm”, he sighs.

“I know, but he’s gonna get up, too”, Luke argues and meets Alex’s gaze. He raises his hands, but stays there.

“Alex?”

Alex sits up and then somehow gathers the jacket from beneath Reggie to put it on him. Alex hesitates, staring at the jacket while Reggie, who is now leaning against the drummer, stares at Alex with still half open eyes.

“The jacket’s not gonna be much help in the weather”, Alex mumbles and Reggie freezes, more awake now, lowering his gaze. He starts fumbling on a loose string attached to his jacket.

“Was the only one we had”, he mumbles.

Now that Alex mentions it, Luke also pays more attention to Reggie’s clothes. His boots are less appropriate for the weather than Luke and Alex’s. The jacket’s much thinner than theirs and he’s sure that Reggie’s wearing at least one t-shirt under his two shirts.

Alex opens his backpack and pulls out a thick sweatshirt which he gives to Reggie. Luke can already see Reggie trying to argue but then Alex also throws Luke another shirt and another t-shirt for himself.

“We should put on as much clothing as possible”, he says and Luke nods and follows his example in putting the shirt over his own. Had he more appropriate clothing in his own backpack then he would take it out, but he hasn’t. Reggie slips into the babyblue sweatshirt, pressing his nose into the fabric. Alex doesn’t see, but Luke does. Alex pulls his own hoodie off and puts the t-shirt on.

“We should eat”, Luke says. He takes out some of the leftover sandwiches and gives each a granola bar. They drink from the already opened water bottle in silence, chewing slowly. Once they’ve finished breakfast they get ready to leave. They pull on their jackets and scarves and gloves. It’s tight with elbows and knees and turning your torso to get into your clothes, but then they’re finally packed and ready to go.

Alex opens the map again.

“So this is where we are right now approximately. We need to make it through the forest and hopefully come out where the lake is. From then it’s about three miles to the village. Maybe a little more if we have to go around the lake. If we assume it’ll take one to two hours from the lake to the village and hopefully an hour to get through the forest … we’ll make it. Maybe even if we need two hours through the forest. More than that and … well we’ll miss the gig.”

“We will not!”, Luke exclaims. Tonight the best up and coming bands are supposed to play, all individually invited. When they’d got the invite Luke hadn’t been able to hide his excitement at home. He’d started talking about how much this could mean for the band, but all he received had been a firm nod from his mother and a smile from his father. He’s going to show them. He’ll be able to support himself and his boys with their music, he just knows. Their bond, their music is something special. “We will get there on time, come on boys.”

Alex is the first one to leave the car. He’s already tripping back, like he wants to get back into the car. Luke shoves him forward and Alex glares at him. He pulls his warm cap deeper into his face and steps forward. Luke gets what Alex’s been about, when he’s fully outside. It’s so much colder than it was inside. The brisk wind is tugging at his clothes and Luke pushes his scarf higher into his face. He slides his backpack onto his back and his acoustic guitar above that.

Reggie’s next to him, grinning. His nose is already slightly red and it’s unbelievably endearing somehow. He stuffs his bare hands into his pockets.

“Let’s go boys”, Luke shouts and they start their trek down into the forest. The snow is deeper than Luke anticipated, which means walking is more cumbersome than they thought, but at least they have tailwind now.

Reggie pulls the hood over his head as he walks next to Luke.

The cold already makes him want to turn back. The air seems to slip through every last small hole in his clothes. Reggie shakes himself, but can’t hide the shiver. At least among the trees they’ll be safe from the cold breeze.

He can’t wait to be in the forest. They somewhat wobble towards the treeline, pulling on each other when they get stuck.

It takes an embarrassingly amount of time to reach the woods. And as soon as they’ve entered he’s decided he hates walking in the forest even more. There is no path prepared for them to walk along, so they have to stomp around roots and bushes and go around them when they’re too tall. Thorns are scratching at his skin and the snow is deep and every five minutes one of them is somehow stuck. (At least the wind isn’t getting to them. But that is the only perk.)

Alex is first, when his boot gets caught in a root or something and it actually takes Reggie to pull on him to get Alex out of it. After him it’s Luke when he isn’t looking where he’s going and suddenly he’s surrounded by plants too tall and too thick to go through and then his foot dips lower than anticipated into a snow bank and he has to crawl out.

Not ten minutes later there’s Reggie who trips and somehow falls face first into the biggest snow bank yet and ends up with chattering teeth once Luke and Alex help him out.

“You didn’t bring any gloves?”, Alex asks gently and Luke bites the inside of his cheek when Reggie averts his gaze again. Luke is already tugging on the tips of his gloves, when Alex surrenders his warm cap to Reggie.

“Better?”, Luke asks and buries his hands back into his pockets. The inside is warm and soft. It’s not as good as the gloves but it’ll do. Reggie smiles faintly and nods.

“Yeah, thanks”

They keep walking close together, helping each other to keep their balance when they get stuck or when Reggie slips in his boots, grumbling to himself and cursing his own footwear.

“Time?”, Reggie mumbles sometime later when Luke has helped him keep his balance for the umpteenth time. Alex pushes the sleeve of his jacket up to look at his watch. He frowns. Not a good sign.

“We have to hurry”, is all he says, but there’s no real passion behind it. They’re all cold and miserable and already exhausted. No matter how badly Luke wants to perform at that gig, he wants the three of them warm first. There’ll be other events and festivals they can play at later. They’re still young, they have all their lives ahead of them. There will be other chances.

He just knows.

They keep moving forward or what they think is straight ahead. The trek keeps being hard and then and now the snow keeps getting deeper and they subside into it until they’re covered to their thighs in snow.

Reggie tries to hide it, but he’s the probably the coldest. He keeps pressing his lips together and pulls Alex’s warm hat over his ears but up his eyes so he can see. Luke presses against him when they walk, but it’s a hindrance in walking so he stops.

Alex gasps a few feet in front of him and it takes Luke a moment to realise why. They’ve apparently come across a real path. The snow is still deep, but there’s no more bushes or fallen trees or roots trying to make them trip.

“We’re not gonna make it, are we”, Reggie mumbles, disappointed. When Luke looks at him his nose is bright red.

“No, we will. The main event isn’t until tonight. Even if we don’t make it to the introductory round, we can still play later. It’ll be fine. We can blame the weather conditions, plus we’ll have an awesome story when we arrive. Sunset Curve, fighting through the snow storm just to delight their audience with their music!”

Reggie smiles slightly at him, humouring him, while Alex snorts. “Yeah, what a terrible snow storm. What kind of awesome story is that supposed to be? This isn’t you and the pumpkin incident of ‘89. Now that was hilarious”

Alex slows down a little so he walks along Reggie’s other side.

  
“We don’t talk about it”, Luke grumbles, his face heating up, but it punches a laugh out of Reggie’s chattering teeth.

“It was pretty funny.”

“For you, maybe!”

“Come on, pre-teen Luke was adorable”, Reggie fucking coos, grinning brightly. Luke makes a face, because no, he was not adorable. Nobody is adorable in that phase, when their limbs are growing at a different rate than the rest of their body. But Reggie has that certain look in his eyes he sometimes gets, which make Luke want to crash their lips together just to-

“You have no idea, you were just as old as me”, he interrupts his own thoughts. “And I was not adorable.”

“Yeah you were”, Alex chimes in. “Remember his hair, Reg? Plus, you’re still adorable today, Luke”, Alex smiles, but there’s a mischievous glint in his eyes, “like a puppy.”

“You wanna play, Alexander?”, he growls playfully. Alex’s eyes narrow, the grin still in place.

“Bring it, Patterson.”

“Feburary ‘91, the juice disaster”, Luke grins and Alex blushes.

  
“That was your fault. I tried to stop you and Reggie from getting in trouble for the third time that week!”

“That is … true”, Reggie concedes, when he sees that cocked eyebrow of Alex’s that just dares him to contradict him. The three of them know Alex is right.

“At least they only called you juice-box-boy for like a month”, Luke says, still grinning bright. “It could have gone worse and nobody saw that wet spot on your pants, because Reggie kept walking in front of you, he basically saved you!”

“Yes, thanks”, Alex deadpans, but Reggie’s giggling, delighted and that’s all that matters.

They keep walking along the path, chatting about incidents years and months ago that make them blush or laugh until the trees finally become fewer. A white mass stretches out in front of them. The wind picks up oncemore, now that they’ve left the protection of the trees and Reggie starts chattering his teeth again.

“You can’t even see the lake”, Luke says and looks around them.

“Must be around here somewhere”, Alex answers as they stomp through the snow side by side. Reggie’s quiet, turning around and squinting as he takes in his surroundings. Luke’s about to ask what is going on, when he jumps in front of them and twirls around.

“I’ve been here before”, he finally says. Luke looks up from where he’s been dragging his feet. The snow is faintly crunching under his feet with each and every step.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I- I think so”, he jogs a few feet in front of him and Alex. “I spent that summer here with my grandfather fishing when my parents didn’t have enough money for summer camp. It was boring as hell, and I wouldn’t actually touch the fish, but at least I got to swim in the lake and granddad brought me to a music shop a few towns over”, Reggie keeps walking quicker and Alex follows him like a lost puppy (hah, who’s the puppy now) to keep up with him and listening to him babble. At least his mood has picked up again.

“I mean everything is covered in snow, but … there should be a cabin about a quarter mile from here this way.” Reggie points his finger somewhere into the white mass. “And the lake should be”, he turns, looking around. “Right here.” He gestures towards and around them.

Luke sees Alex kick the snow aside. “At least the ice is stable”, Alex says. “I would feel better if we could … leave it? Just get off the ice, please?”

“Just keep walking, Alex. We gotta save time, right? Plus it doesn’t look like it’s about to break.”

“You can’t even see the ice!”, Alex argues heatedly immediately. Reggie pulls on Alex’s jacket, smiling tightly.

“Which is good, right? I mean the ice must be stable.”

Alex looks at Reggie, like he wants to snark at him, but then he swallows his remark and instead starts stuttering, “I don’t think – does ice work that – maybe – okay.”

“Yeah, come on, Alex”, Luke says and Reggie pulls Alex with him, further down the snow covered lake.

He can’t quite see it, but he guesses Alex is rolling his eyes. He usually is when Reggie and Luke band together and push Alex into doing what they want.

Luke follows the boys, pushing his guitar higher on his back along with his backpack. He jumps once, just so it sits just right.

He doesn’t even realise the crunching of the snow anymore, plus the whistling of the wind is keeping him occupied and he’s straining his ears to try to listen to whatever story Reggie’s telling Alex.

He stops dead in his tracks, when there’s a sharp cracking beneath his feet. Even to his ears, this does not sound good. Maybe he imagined it, he thinks and takes another step, but there’s more of the cracking and he feels something slightly give beneath his feet.

Luke’s heart is beating faster and he has that moment replaying in his head where Alex asked them to get off the lake.

“Guys”, he says weakly, but there’s no answer. Reggie and Alex are further away from him than he anticipated. “Guys!”, he repeats, more urgent. The boys turn around. He sees Alex frown and Reggie smiles, waving at him.

“Come on, we’ll wait for you!”

“Something’s wrong”, Luke he shouts against the wind. It’s Reggie’s turn to frown now, but Alex, with the constant stream of anxious thoughts running through his head seems to come to the same conclusion as him. His eyes widen and he holds Reggie back, when he’s about to walk towards Luke.

“Don’t move!”, Alex’s voice is panicked, the hand stopping Reggie pressing its fingers now into his arm. Luke looks up, freezing where he’s standing.

“Don’t move?”, he gasps breathlessly, “Dude shouldn’t I … get away or something?”

“Okay, okay”, Alex mumbles to himself. “I- uh … move away slowly?”

“That’s your big advice? ‘Move away slowly’?”

Alex is making a face at him, but he’s still panicking. Reggie’s looking from Luke to Alex and back, then his gaze falls to Luke’s feet and he understands.

Luke swallows and slides his foot aside. More cracking. He presses his teeth together as he carefully moves his other foot.

“Good. Keep going slowly”, Alex encourages him, but there’s still that edge to his voice, that slightly shrill and high note Alex usually gets when he’s in full blown panic mode.

There’s nothing else to do. He pushes his foot backwards, the cracking sounding ugly in his ears when he jolts downwards slightly. His heart is racing as the ice gives in and the last thing he sees are Alex panicked face and Reggie’s open mouth readying a shout as the ice cold water of the lake surrounds him completely and his backpack and guitar pull him down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for my sweetheart laazucena who took her time to read through the chapter and told me she liked it (which ... we not quite agree on, but I need to keep going to the actual plot I guess?). 
> 
> Thank you to everybody who reads this mess. It means a lot to me. 
> 
> As always, not a native speaker but giving her best.


	3. 03 - Alex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex’s body moves on its own. He lets the backpack fall down his shoulders and slides closer to the spot where Luke vanished, lying down on the ice. He hears a dangerous crack, but he doesn’t care – can’t care right now. His heart is beating hard in his ribcage and the sharp wind makes his ears hurt. 
> 
> Or, two idiots keep their friend from freezing to death and their shared braincell is slowly thawing and supplying them with feelings which just start making everything so much more confusing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya everyone!
> 
> Firstly all the love to my sweetie laazucena who I lovingly bullied into becoming my beta-reader (or did she bully me?) and who I just talk to about this fic and who brainstorms with me, even tho she still hasn't watched a single episode of jatp. She also highlights her favourite parts which makes me very happy! And who supplies me with so many puns about this fic. I also feel like she kinda lowkey ships them tho :) She recently spammed me with so many tumblr posts and I was absolutely loving it. 
> 
> And now, this is all laazucena, may I add. While she was reading she came up with this commentary, which I think is hilarious. In German we have a saying: Man sieht den Wald vor lauter Bäumen nicht - One can't see the forest for all the trees - which basically means you're distracted by so many small details you can't see the big picture. She connected that proverb with the story and came up with her 'double tree pun': Pine - pine - pining pine trees, by doing all the pining, they created so many pine trees they can't see what's in front of their faces anymore. 
> 
> Lastly, I mentioned it in an earlier chapter, but I feel like I should mention it again: This is still a piece of fiction and even though I try to keep it as realistic as possible, this should never be viewed as a guide on how to fish someone out of a frozen lake or on how to care for someone who might be hypothermic.

The moment goes by in slow-motion. The sound of the fracture alone lets something terrible drop in Alex’s stomach. He thinks he can see Luke’s shocked face, but that also might just be his imagination.

And then he’s gone, swallowed by the lake, all that’s left is that hole, water sloshing against the ice and the snow.

Alex’s body moves on its own. He lets the backpack fall down his shoulders and slides closer to the spot where Luke vanished, lying down on the ice. He hears a dangerous crack, but he doesn’t care – can’t care right now. His heart is beating hard in his ribcage and the sharp wind makes his ears hurt.

But his focus is narrowed solely on Luke. Luke, Luke, _Luke_ , _LukeLukeLukeLuke_.

“Alex?”, he almost forgot Reggie, who’s staring at Alex with wide eyes, approaching all of a sudden as if the string that held him in place snapped.

“Stay where you are! Don’t move!”, he tells him. Alex is already too close to the breach in the ice, his weight might not hold. He can’t risk having Reggie here as well. He can’t risk losing Reggie as well. He turns back to the spot. When he squints into the opening, there’s no trace of Luke. He thinks of all the mass Luke was carrying on his back, thinks about how that must have dragged him down.

More cracking makes him focus on the situation at hand and shift to Reggie, who’s inching closer.

“Stop!”, he yells panicked and hard and authoritative and Reggie freezes, eyes wide. He casts his eyes downward, moving back again.

There’s not much he can do, so Alex plunges his arm into the icy water, reaching for anything that could be Luke. It’s a desperate attempt, but it’s all he can do. He can’t risk falling into the water and not be able to get Luke back out.

The coldness around his limb is like tiny icy pinpricks piercing his skin, but he tries to ignore the feeling. An awful long moment passes where Alex doesn’t feel anything but his arm become numb in the cold.

He hears Reggie whimper, hiccup and then there’s a muffled tone. He barely looks up, concentrating on trying to find Luke. His head is swimming, thoughts tumbling over in his head. Everything demands attention and it’s too much. It takes all of his strength to keep his focus on his action, so he doesn’t realise what Reggie’s doing just then.

Alex almost chokes when he comes upon something solid, some kind of soaked fabric, slightly moving. Alex wraps his arm around it and pulls. He crawls backwards, never letting go of his grip. He uses his other arm, when Luke finally breaches the surface.

Luke must have managed to get his backpack and his guitar off in the water somehow, it’s just him in his jacket, his eyelids are fluttering, but he’s not talking and when he calls him by his name, Luke doesn’t react. Alex slides backwards pulling Luke with him more and more, praying inside that the ice will hold them just a little longer. He’s got Luke’s torso out when he hears another crack beneath Luke’s back.

Alex swallows but keeps pulling at Luke until his feet are not submerged anymore. He’s not really moving, mostly swatting his arms, twitching beneath Alex’s grip on him.

“Alex?”, Reggie’s voice is scratchy and scared. He rubs the gloves he borrowed from Luke over his cheeks to hide the tears.

“Reg, move off the ice. I’ve got him, alright? I’ve got him”, he doesn’t wait for an answer, his whole attention on Luke and the ice below them. He keeps sliding backwards until he guesses that he’s more or less safe and he hasn’t heard cracking for a minute. He pulls Luke against him, face pale and lips blue, eyelids still fluttering. With a sudden movement he rears up and vomits water on the ice. Alex holds him while he heaves, his body violently twitching. Then he slumps back into his hold, eyes closed once more but he can him feel shiver.

“We need to get him somewhere warm, make a fire, something – the village, is there a town close or-”

Luke’s freezing. Alex has no idea how long he’s been under water, the time’s been stretching for too long, but at least he’s breathing, his chest rising and falling.

“Remember? There’s a cabin, about a quarter mile from here”, Reggie says. He sounds subdued and breathless at the same time and Alex hates that he knows that he’s the reason for it. “It’s where I stayed when – anyway, there’s definitely a cabin.”

“Can you find it? See if anyone’s there? We might be able to crash there and warm Luke up and maybe they let us call an ambulance.”

Reggie nods immediately. “Just follow my trail”, he says and then he races along. His own backpack on his back and Alex’s in the front.

“Don’t run on the ice!”, Alex shouts. There was definitely more cracking, he didn’t just imagine the sound. Did he? Reggie freezes, fingers pressing over his ears and Alex feels sick to his stomach.

He’s an asshole. He should have been more considerate, more careful with the intensity of his words and the tone of his voice. Of course he recognises that stance, it’s the one Reggie uses each time he hears his parents argue. The one Alex has coaxed him out of uncountable times. Now he’s the cause for it.

His stomach is churning, feels the bile already rising, burn in his throat. He swallows it down.

There’s a weak groan from Luke and Alex he lets his concentration being sucked in by that small, hurt sound.

Alex rips his own jacket off his body and wraps it around Luke. He presses Luke’s body against his chest. His arm hurts and he’s cold but he tries to hurry, following Reggie’s footprints.

It still feels too long. He can hear Luke dragging his breath in and out. His clothes are wet and heavy and drag Alex down but he bites on his lower lip and just keeps going. His mind is racing, thinking of every possible scenario.

What if Reggie was wrong and there is no cabin here? What if nobody’s there and they have to stay out in the cold? What if Luke stops breathing, what if Luke dies in his arms.

Alex’s chest hurts, he can’t breathe properly, but he can’t stop now. He needs to – tears are blurring his sight, running hotly over his cheeks, but Reggie’s footprints are easy to find. He sobs when he sees the cabin, hidden in all the snow and he would have completely missed it were it not for Reggie who’d left the door wide open. He puts all his remaining strength into getting this last obstacle behind him and reaching the cabin as fast as possible.

Without thinking Alex enters the small building and closes the door with his foot. It clicks into place loudly. Reggie jerks up, but keeps doing what he’s doing. He’s kneeling in front of the fireplace, mumbling to himself. A camping cooker next to him and already boiling water on it. Reggie’s fingers are shaking as he tries to make the wood catch fire.

“It doesn’t take”, Reggie whispers, his voice broken and desperate, his eyes widening with tears when he looks up at Alex. “There’s no warm water either, I already tried drawing Luke a bath. All I’ve got is that camping cooker.”

Luke’s still shivering in his arms and Reggie’s looking up at Alex, waiting for something.

“Where’s the bedroom?”

Reggie scrambles hurriedly to his feet and practically runs to a room, throwing the door open. There’s nothing but a wardrobe, a dresser and a bed with a mattress. A small fireplace is in the wall, situated closely to the foot of the bed.

“Reg, get all the blankets and towels you can find! And a cup for the hot water. We need to make him drink it”, Alex tells him. Reggie nods and takes off into the other rooms. Alex sets Luke onto the floor and pushes his wet clothes off his body. Luke’s become quiet, worryingly so and the only fact that his eyes keep fluttering open or he jerks a limb keeps him from crying. When he’s about to turn to push Luke’s pants off, Luke raises his head up. He looks at him unseeing, his teeth start to chatter more loudly. The sound a cruel rhythm in the otherwise silent room. Then his eyes fall closed once again, but the sound stays.

Reggie comes back, his arms full with towels, blankets and even a fur rug. Reggie stops, staring at Alex, and at Luke’s half naked body.

“What-”

“help me dry him off”, Alex says as his numb fingers trip around the button on Luke’s pants. Reggie falls to his knees next to Alex, starting to rub at Luke’s hair.

“Here, let me”, Reggie mumbles once it’s clear that Alex won’t be able to make any progress. Alex slides to the side willingly and instead pulls Luke’s shoes and socks off his body. He then helps Reggie to pull Luke’s pants and boxer shorts off his legs.

Alex hurriedly rubs him dry with the closest towel, uncaring of Luke’s nudity. He lifts him up to the bed.

  
“Wait”, Reggie puts the soft fur rug on the mattress and then nods. “Dry clothes”, Reggie mumbles and is about to run back to their backpacks. Alex stops him.

  
“No, we need to give him as much warmth as possible”, he says and starts stripping himself. He rubs his arm dry with his shirt and then gathers the blankets in his arms, throwing them over Luke’s body.

When Alex is about to pull of his own trousers he sees Reggie stare at him bug eyed.

“Alex-”

“Body heat. We need to give him our body heat. Come on”, he slips under the blanket, close to Luke.

“Strip Reginald”, he snaps and Reggie flinches and Alex hates himself a little more for it. But right now he needs Luke to-

He promised himself early in their friendship that he would never make Reggie afraid of him. He would never shout at him and even be just a fraction of how Reggie’s parents are. But the fear about Luke dying is drowning him. He does realise this does not excuse his behaviour, merely explains it.

What would it feel like if Luke died because they were too slow?

The thought alone makes him want to throw up.

Alex curls around Luke, pressing his body against Luke’s freezing one. Goosebumps are spreading over his body. His hands are shaking and he digs his hands between Luke’s arm and body. He completely misses how Reggie takes off his clothes and slides in bed with them. They’re both quiet as they lay there, barely touching, just breathing heavily, as they both keep their eyes glued to Luke.

He can see Reggie hesitating, his fingers twitching against his arms where they touch.

“So like … are we warming him up?”, he asks against Luke’s shoulder.

“In a sense. We’re regulating his body heat until all our bodies are approximately the same temperature”, Alex says.

Reggie hums, and then presses his cheek against Luke’s. This still feels wrong and Alex needs to fix this, but at the same time he’s exhausted. It’s been barely two days and he’s not sure he’s really slept during that time. Then there’s the popsicle that is one of his best friends in his arms and Alex is not sure what to do. They’re in the middle of nowhere in a cabin and-

“Did you call an ambulance?”, Alex asks, making sure to keep his voice especially soft, as if he were approaching a spooked deer, his eyes just as wide.

“The landline’s dead”, Reggie mumbles.

  
Alex closes his eyes.

Shit.

“The water”, Reggie jumps up again and runs quickly to the sideboard. A steaming cup of water is standing there and Reggie grabs it and walks back, making sure he doesn’t lose a single drop.

His frame is as slim as it was in the summer. Alex can already see the beginning of hair. If he would let his gaze dip a little further down – he snaps his eyes back up, focussing on the cup. It’s a garish yellow with white flowers.

Alex takes the cup while Reggie slides closer again and covers himself with the mountain of blankets and towels.

Alex tries to sit up as much as possible, bringing Luke with him, blowing on the water to get it to a temperature for Luke to be safe to drink without burning his mouth.

Reggie hooks his leg around Luke bumping his foot against Alex’s thigh. Alex sees him swallow, barely raising his eyes up to meet his gaze. He presses his hand against Reggie’s foot where it pushes against his thigh.

“Good thinking with the camping cooker”, he says quietly. Reggie looks up, a faint smile on his lips.

“Yeah?”

“Definitely. I don’t know … I don’t really know what I am doing here, but I know it’s crucial to warm a frozen person from the inside. I think – I know Luke will have a good chance to be okay when he finally wakes up completely.”

“Thanks”, Reggie whispers against Luke’s cheek, averting his eyes again. Alex keeps blowing on the water. He takes a sip to test it and when it’s still hot but not burning his mouth anymore. Luke has his eyes open, but he’s not really looking anywhere, his eyelids keep slipping shut and when Reggie calls out his name softly, Luke doesn’t react.

“Drink”, Alex still says as he presses the cup to Luke’s lips and makes the boy drink the water. To both their relieve, he swallows, coughs once, but otherwise empties the cup. Once he’s done Alex places the cup on the nightstand and wraps his arms around Luke again, pulling him down into the mattress and placing the blankets on top of them. He’s hyper-aware of how his fingertips are pressing against Reggie’s chest.

They’re quiet for a moment, nothing but their breathing interrupting the stifling silence.

“I’m sorry, Reg. I didn’t mean to-”, he raises his eyes from Luke’s prone form, who at this point stopped chattering with his teeth, to look at his face and waits until Reggie returns the gaze. “I was just so scared. I still am, I mean – this was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. Losing you, losing Luke … I don’t know what I would do. You’re my family.”

“’s alright, Alex”, Reggie mumbles. But Alex knows Reggie and this is not okay. He scrambles with his hand to find Reggie’s and squeezes it, his thumb pressing against the back of his hand gently.

“It’s not. I scared you. I never – I _never_ should have shouted at you. You don’t deserve it – you don’t”, he repeats the last part again, when Reggie ducks his head. “You deserve so much better. I am the idiot here, I should have known better, I should have realised-”

“No, Alex. This is not your fault!”

“It is! If I had read the map correctly, all of this could have been avoided. We would never have ended up here in the first place. Then we wouldn’t have stayed overnight in the car and we wouldn’t have had to walk through the forest and Luke wouldn’t have- This is my fault! And all I did was shout at you, even though you were probably as scared as me. I am _so_ sorry”, he looks down at Luke’s body, his closed eyes and just like that the worry starts eating at him again.

What if he doesn’t wake up, what if he’ll be responsible for-

What if Reggie decides he can’t trust Alex anymore because of how he reacted? What if he keeps to himself now, starts shying away from any physical contact, stops spending time with him, always on guard for the next blow. He’s not sure if he could forgive himself for ruining his relationship with Reggie.

Alex presses his eyes shut and kisses Luke’s forehead, pressing his lips against his skin, keeping them there.

There’s nothing he can do anymore, not a thing where he can focus his attention to and his fear rises up again. Waiting and thinking are his worst enemies. His brain runs wild, thinks of every terrible solution to their scenario. There’s no happy ending when his brain is in control of his anxious imagination.

He loves them both so much. They’re with him whenever he pictures his future in any way. It doesn’t matter what they’re doing, as long as they’re together.

They’re his family.

“You love him”, Reggie whispers suddenly. Alex can’t quite discern the tone.

“Yeah, I love you both”, he says, because it’s true. He’s good at that, twisting the meaning of words until he’s comfortable saying what needs to be said. It’s a talent he’s grown over the years when you have to be careful of every word you say.

Alex likes words, they’re flexible and in their complexity both easy and hard at the same time. A beautifully frustrating paradox. Luke’s the poet among them, stringing them together in new and exciting ways, making art with them and baring his soul to the world. Reggie’s easy and direct. He means what he says, he’s true to his words. They’re there for him to show how he feels. Reggie’s never afraid to use words to show exactly how he feels about them. Even if he tries to lie to them, saying something didn’t hurt him, his words always reveal his true intention. Or maybe Alex has just grown to know exactly what to look out for.

Alex’s way of using words is … the only fitting term that comes to mind is: manipulative. He’s using the words how he needs them, pushing a new meaning onto them in secret so he can say what he needs to, what he has to without being afraid that his carefully stacked card house collapses.

It may be unfair, he doesn’t know. After he came out to the band Luke, Reggie and Bobby have been nothing if not supportive. Never started acting weird around him, never changing how they viewed him.

He looks up from Luke’s mop of hair. Reggie’s eyes are serious.

“You _love_ him”, he repeats and he just stares at Alex, like he’s looking right into his soul.

Reggie knows him, has known him since Kyle Shoemaker had made fun of Alex in elementary school for saying that he was pretty. Alex had lied then, said he didn’t care what Kyle thought only to hide behind the gym to cry into his knees. Reggie’d been the first one to find him and pressed himself against him. He’d told him he thought Kyle was an idiot but Alex was nice and pretty and somehow made the comment about another boy being ‘pretty’ okay.

Alex had looked at Reggie then out of tear-streaked eyes, snot running down his nose, not sure if Reggie was telling the truth. Reggie grinned at him, his front teeth crooked and two missing teeth in his smile, his eyes as green and candid as ever and Alex had smiled.

They’d been inseparable since then, sitting together in class whenever possible and visiting each other’s houses. Then, Reggie’s home life had been verging of becoming problematic. But whenever Reggie opened his mouth Alex had been in awe of the sheer easy handling of words, of being as free spoken as he was and as straight forward.

There’s no way Alex can deny the fact that he’s slipped up. “Yeah”, he finally admits, staring at Reggie over Luke’s head. True. He loves Luke. He also loves Reggie. “I love him”, he says to Reggie, as honest as he’s ever been. He loves Luke. “I do love him”, he repeats, this time speaking directly to Luke, lowering his gaze back to the boy in his arms. He loves Reggie. With a heavy heart he realises that Reggie hasn’t picked up on the true meaning of his words. Just as he’s intended.

Admitting to an unconscious boy that he loves him is easy. Admitting to an unconscious boy that he loves his best friend is also easy.

Alex takes the coward’s way out. As he’s always done. Just to keep his house of cards standing for a little longer.


	4. 04 - Reggie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Reg, are you awake?”, Reggie startles at the soft sound of the voice and looks up. Alex is staring down at them, he looks tired, his blond hair falling into his eyes and dark faint circles under his eyes. They’re swollen. He must have cried and Reggie missed it. 
> 
> Or, two idiots keep caring for their friend, don't talk about important stuff and that damned braincell keeps thawing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> And here we are again on a kinda wet Sunday (at least here). Perfect weather to stay inside, drink hot tea, cuddle yourself in a blanket and read fanfiction and look at fanart or friendly discuss anything and everything. 
> 
> Thank you so much as always to my sweetie laazucena, who once again read my chapter and taught me something about new topics! And who already reads the next chapter, so if everything goes well, next one will be up as scheduled on next Sunday.

Reggie’s watching the big fluffy balls of snow gliding gently down through the window. He has no idea how long he was asleep for, but when he woke up, it already started snowing. He loves watching the snow fall, even if he realises that their continued trek will be all the more hard, but for now, that doesn’t matter.

His arms are circling Luke’s body, listening to his little snores and feeling his chest rise and fall again and again and again. Rise and fall, just to be sure he’s still alive. His cheeks are cold, so he presses his forehead against Luke’s face.

“Reg, are you awake?”, Reggie startles at the soft sound of the voice and looks up. Alex is staring down at them, he looks tired, his blond hair falling into his eyes and dark faint circles under his eyes. They’re swollen. He must have cried and Reggie missed it.

He feels a twinge in his chest.

“I’m awake, ‘Lex”, he mumbles. He hears Alex breathe in quietly.  
  


“Good. Listen, I’m going to try and get the fire working, just please make sure that-”

“Luke keeps breathing, yeah, I know.”

Alex smiles at him tightly and carefully crawls away from Luke. He grabs his pants and shoves his legs through them, shimmying into them with his bare ass. He might have appreciated the sight more if it were it not for the seriousness of the situation. Reggie looks down at Luke when he knows Alex is still preoccupied with his clothes, scared of being caught staring. Instead Alex grabs his hoodie and slides it over his torso. Then he’s out the door.

Reggie’s gaze finds Luke again. He’s warmer there where their skin touches, not as cold as he was hours ago. He has yet to wake up fully. He hates that waiting is all they can do now. This only gives more time for contemplating and Reggie gladly could do without that. He never really thinks about what to do. He lets himself get carried away, right along with Luke. It’s usually Alex who reins them in.

He can’t help but feel that stab again he felt earlier. He doesn’t know, maybe he’s always suspected it, but hearing Alex admit to loving Luke romantically has his heart shrivelling in jealousy and bouncing with joy.

If he’s being honest then he feels awful for being disappointed. For hoping that maybe, maybe Alex would love him. But then again, he does see it. Alex is gorgeous with his blond hair hanging lazily in his face and his teal-coloured eyes and his arms. And he’s sarcastic, yes but he’s gentle and soft and protective. Of course he would fall for Luke. Luke who is passionate and out there and with his adorable hair and able to string the most beautiful words together, making something completely new. Luke who is not afraid to show how he feels on any occasion.

It doesn’t take long for the drummer to come back with his arms full with logs. He kneels in front of the fireplace, snaps a latch open and with a squeal the small door opens. He immediately starts stacking the wood expertly together, squishing paper between the logs.

Reggie’s glad, at least like this he can hide the tears running down his cheeks. He wipes them away quickly, trying to ignore the pain in his chest. He needs to focus on Luke now, on him getting better and then and only then he can lament his confusing situation.

Then Alex pulls a box of matches out of his hoodie and lights the paper. He keeps kneeling in front of the small fire for a moment until he seems satisfied with it.

“How d’ya know what to do?”, Reggie asks, awed. When he tried it earlier, the wood had been too stubborn to ignite.

Alex turns halfway around. “I was a boyscout, remember? Hated it, but at least we did learn how to make a fire.”

“Then why didn’t you earlier?”

“I thought the wood was too wet, when you weren’t able to start a fire, but it’s not”, Alex gets up and rubs his hands along his pants, watching the flames lick at the logs. He closes the squeaking door again and watches for a moment how the fire builds up. Then turns around. “I’m gonna see if I can find something to eat”, he says then and walks back out again, leaving Reggie alone with a sleeping Luke.

Reggie’s almost envious of Alex, who seems to be able to walk around and occupy his mind while Reggie stays in bed. At the same time he’s not sure if he could actually leave Luke’s side now. His continued breathing and snoring soothes something in him he can’t quite reach. He decides that this really is the best place for him now.

“There’s a fire now”, Reggie mumbles against Luke’s hair. “You’ll be fine soon, I promise. You’ll be all warm and you’ll whine about it and then you realise we’ve missed the gig and you’ll whine some more”, Reggie smiles faintly. He can’t wait. He just wants to hear Luke’s voice, no matter in what capacity.

He play’s with Luke’s fingers beneath the blankets.

“This is weird”, he mumbles, because he needs the silence to be filled even if it’s only his own voice. Luke’s still lying there, eyes closed. Reggie sighs, eyes casting up to the ceiling. The cracking of the wood is nice. “You gotta get up quickly, this is not it. Although I do like the cuddling … would be nicer if you were conscious for it, though”. He lets the silence ring for a moment.

“You’re gonna be fine, right?”, he whispers, more to himself than to Luke’s limp form. Reggie presses his head against Luke. He’s so warm now.

Too warm? Panic spikes in his chest.

“Alex?”, he shouts just as said boy comes into the door.

“I found some canned food”, Alex grins and shakes the can, the grin is off somehow, dimmed. Reggie opens his mouth to say something, he’s not even sure what himself, he’s not thinking that much ahead, but layered dust whips off the can and it makes Alex sneeze.

The moment’s gone and Reggie clears his throat. “Alex, I- Luke feels really warm.”

Alex’s eyes are on Luke’s form immediately and he crawls over the blankets to him. He places his hand on his forehead, rubbing against the damp skin.

“He’s developed a fever”, Alex says, eyes flitting around the room. “Okay, okay, we- it’ll be fine- we”, Alex stutters, eyes still moving erratically around the room, his hands opening and closing. He’s starting to panic again, his breathing already ragged. Reggie pulls Alex closer by his wrist. The other boy almost topples over the two of them, balancing himself with a hand on the bed.

“Alex, we’ll be fine. You can do it”, he reassures him. Alex’s eyes widen, the teal such a stark contrast against his red-rimmed eyes. He blushes faintly. “Just- what do we need first?”

“Water”, Alex says immediately, still staring into Reggie’s eyes. “Also something to bring his fever down. Um-”, Alex touches Luke’s skin again and then Reggie’s.

“You feel hot, too”, he whispers. Reggie keeps his eyes locked at Alex. He can clearly see that worried crease between his eyes. He doesn’t feel sick at all. He could just get out of bed and- He’s still slung around Luke or maybe Luke’s still slung around him. Whatever it is, it almost makes Reggie roll out of bed, crashing to the ground and bringing Luke down with him. “Stay”, Alex yelps out, grabbing his hips to keep him from rolling off the bed. As soon as Reggie’s stable he immediately flinches and retracts his hand as if his contact had burned it. He stares at Reggie as if he’s waiting for something. Reggie keeps staring at the other boy, waiting, not sure what he’s supposed to do or why Alex reacted so violently.

“Alex?”

The blond’s eyes are downcast as he inhales and exhales deeply, digging his nails into his palm.

“Okay”, he finally starts again, “you two stay in bed. I’m going to get you water and see if there’s something else useful left here.”

He’s gone before Reggie can protest, so he settles back in with Luke, closing his eyes. The only thing he’s certain of he knows is that he needs to watch out for Luke and he can do that. He can, he needs to make sure he’s fine. He’ll make sure Luke’s fine, will make sure, that he’ll whine when they tell him he lost his guitar, will make sure that he keeps making music, will make sure that he keeps smiling at them with one corner of his mouth raised, will make sure that-

Reggie swallows thickly. He’ll make sure that Alex and Luke won’t ever have to hide from their band should Luke be interested in Alex and he’s sure he is. Reggie’s very observant when he wants to be and he’s seen Luke smile dopily at Alex when he wasn’t looking. He’s seen Luke press closer to him for no apparent reason. He’s sure there is something.

That must mean there’s some kind of attraction, right?

No, it must be, because that’s what he’s doing. Trying to be with Alex and Luke without _being_ with Alex and Luke. It’s exhausting, but he could never even dare to think about stopping. Luke and Alex are his family and he’ll be with them as long as they want him. 

Sometimes he dreams about the three of them living together when they’re old and wrinkly, sitting on a porch and laughing, talking about their musical career and playing country songs. (Because at that point they must have a country album under their belt, otherwise what were they doing with their lives?)

Alex comes back with a glass of water and a jug on a small tray. He places it on Reggie’s bedside table and he can see two pills lying on there as well.

“Technically it’s past the expiration date, but I don’t think medicine can go bad, right?”, he says, swooping a pill and pressing it between Luke’s lips. He helps Luke into a sitting position and then places the glass to his lips, making him drink. Luke swallows automatically, and then whines.

Alex’s smile is soft as he watches Luke. So soft it hurts Reggie. Alex lays Luke back down. He blinks sluggishly and then keeps his eyes shut. 

“Your turn.”

Reggie looks down at the pill and then up to Alex. “I really don’t feel that sick. Maybe we should keep them for Luke-”

“Reg, there are more than enough. Just … take one, alright?”, his voice is too soft. Like he’s afraid Reggie will hide away from him should he raise his voice in any capacity. There’s not even that gentle sarcasm he sometimes uses when Reggie’s feeling down. It’s these little quips to make sure that everything’s okay between them. Now they’re missing and Reggie wants to fix that.

He’s sure that whatever is stopping Alex from behaving normally is caused by the anxiety running amok in Alex’s head. Still he swallows the pill with the water and drinks another full glass just to be sure. Once Alex is satisfied with it, they make Luke drink more.

“Where’d you get the water from?”, Reggie asks finally. He knows Alex had a bottle left, but he’s sure they must’ve drunk more than they had with.

  
“Found bottled water in a cupboard in the kitchen right where the canned food is”, Alex answers easily. He sits on the bed and pushes Luke’s sweaty hair out of his face. He watches Luke frowning at nothing and then turns back to the fire. “Once the room is warm we should probably change the sheets. Luke’s sweating all of it out and I’m not sure that’s comfortable, plus he shouldn’t lie in all that moisture. We have food and water for at least a few days, so that’ll be fine for now.”

Reggie nods, he’s not sure for how long they’ll be stuck here. They definitely will not be moving as long as Luke’s not fit enough again and also as long as it keeps snowing.

He absolutely has no desire to keep going. He just wants all of them to be safe.

Alex slides his hand from Luke’s forehead to Reggie’s, humming in thought. His hand is a little cold, but the touch is nice and the whine that escapes his throat when he loses the contact is purely unintentional. 

“I’ll make you a soup. Good thing you found the camping cooker”, Alex says, not looking at Reggie when he gets up. Reggie wants to say something, but words fail him, so instead he swallows the ghost of them, even though they tickle the tip of his tongue, urging to escape him. 

He already has his mouth open, watching Alex quietly, but the words are stuck in his throat, lodged there. When Alex looks up at him, he lets his mouth fall close again, his teeth clacking together loudly. 

Before Alex leaves the room, he stops at the door frame. 

For a moment there’s nothing but silence. “I’m glad you’re here with me. I – I wouldn’t know what to do”, he says, looking up.

Reggie smiles brilliantly. Alex nods and ducks out.

Maybe, just maybe everything will go back to normal once Alex has contemplated whatever’s got in his head.

The blond comes back about ten minutes later with two bowls of warm chicken soup. It’s not the best he’s ever had, but it will do. Luke’s meanwhile is mostly broth and Alex feeds it to him carefully, wiping his mouth and keeping him upright, making sure he doesn’t choke. Luke swallows, eyes half open, grabbing for the spoon himself and spreading the chicken broth on the soft rug.

When they’re done and the room has heated up, they carry Luke off the mattress and take the rug off. It’s wet and it smells and Alex tosses it outside after everything’s finished. They probably really have to come back here and apologise and also pay for all the stuff they’ve used and messed up.

Alex changes the sheets, while Reggie holds Luke. He washes his sweat off his body carefully with a sponge doused in heated water and then rubs him dry again. He can see Luke’s eyes flutter open once or twice, but he’s not reacting otherwise when Reggie calls out his name.

He still takes it, it all has to be a good sign.

Once Alex is done they pile right back up on the bed. Luke’s supplying them with spatial distance. Alex keeps avoiding his gaze.

He remembers his look of pure devastation when he apologised to him earlier. It’s been at that exact moment he’s forgiven him. His parents never apologised, never been considerate, never put any thought into how their behaviour might affect Reggie.

But Alex does. He’s always been able to read him. It’s like a superpower and Reggie’s extremely proud of that. At the same time Reggie’s always been able to read Alex. At least to some point.

The last few years it’s become harder, like there’s a piece of Alex he’s still hiding. He’d hoped that when he came out out he’d be back completely. It didn’t go like that. He’s not fully there, not like Luke and Reggie are and Reggie hates it. At the same time he fears that he scares Alex away if he voices his observations. Alex always tries to avoid further confrontation. It’s always been Reggie, Luke and Bobby who’d defended Alex when somebody would call him a derogatory name or worse, hurt him physically.

At the same time, he was all too ready to defend his friends.

So Alex is still a mystery. At least to some degree.

“What time is it?”, he asks when they’re lying in bed again, his face planted on Luke’s collarbone.

“Just half past nine”, Alex mumbles.

Reggie hums. It feels so much longer. He’s exhausted, he’d say it had been days, not hours since they started their trek from Luke’s car.

He raises his head back up to look at Alex. To his surprise he’s looking right at him, not at Luke like he’s expected. The knowledge that Alex loves Luke cuts deep, but it also makes him happy. Does that make sense? He wants them to be together, he just wished that he weren’t third wheeling, he wished they were a three wheeled carriage or something.

He needs to say it.

“I love you, you know that, right?”, he asks. Alex’s eyes open, the green in his eyes is much more noticeable this close, pushing together with the blue. “You and Luke, I love you so much”, he blurts out.

Alex nods. There are tears gathering in his eyes and he exhales shakily. When he closes his eyes drops are running down his cheek and Reggie raises his hand from under the blankets to wipe it away gently, resting his hand right there.

“I need you in my life, just like you are. You are … we are … we’re we. We’re _more._ ”

Alex smiles at him, openly and happily for the first time since Luke fell into the lake.

“Yeah”, he whispers. He opens his mouth, then closes it again, instead starts nibbling on his lower lip. “Yeah”, he repeats, but there’s a deeper meaning in that breathed out word than an affirmation, Reggie feels it. He keeps his hand on Alex’s cheek, because he wants to and Alex doesn’t make any attempts to flee from his touch.

Reggie smiles and closes his eyes, listens to the fire cracking and Alex breathing and Luke snoring and he feels so much lighter. He lets himself lull into a restless sleep.

Reggie startles awake, blinking into the darkness. Something’s off. He can still feel Luke’s chest rising beneath his finger tips, the slight snoring a soothing rhythm after all the anxiety. He’s okay. He’s alive.

Reggie tries to make sense of the feeling, his sleep addled brain is not helping right now. There’s a weight against his side.

“It’s alright, go back to sleep”, Alex whispers. Reggie blinks. He can see the outline of Alex’s body against the window. He’s kneeling on the floor, hands woven together, head tilted forwards.

Oh. He’s praying, Reggie realises. He hasn’t seen Alex pray in months. He used to do it a lot, praying before they went to sleep or before they stepped on stage, always clutching the silver crucifix in his hand that used to hang around his neck. The first time Alex and Reggie slept over at Luke’s, Alex had been thrown when they didn’t say grace at dinner. Later he tried to pray in the bathroom, so he wouldn’t make Luke and Reggie uncomfortable, in his own words. In the end they all kneeled on the floor, elbows propped on Luke’s bed with Alex clutching his chain and prayed together. 

When Alex came out to his parents something changed. He stopped wearing his crucifix. That night the three of them slept over at the studio, Alex in the middle, silently crying. When they were ready to just go to bed, Alex’s hand slid up towards where his necklace used to hang. Instead his shaking fingers landed at the new red marks on his neck. He’d closed his eyes and curled his hand into a fist until the white was showing as he tried to inhale and exhale calmly. Luke and Reggie had been with him, squeezed him in between them until his breathing evened out. 

The next month Reggie, Bobby and Luke surprised him with his own golden chain, which he never takes off. Luke had also gifted him with a black corded bracelet with golden beads, that had carvings on then, which went well with his new necklace. Luke had looked at Alex knowingly then and before Reggie could ask what the significance of the bracelet was, Alex had hauled the three of them into a tight embrace. He’d cried again that day, but he’d smiled happily through the tears. 

Seeing Alex pray now is somehow otherworldly, as if this could not be real and Reggie almost convinces himself that when he reaches up to touch him, Alex will vanish.

Alex’s hands are placed on Reggie’s side, the bracelet peeking out from between his fingers. All the blankets between their skin stop them from actually touching, but the spot still feels warmer.

“What’re you praying for?”, Reggie asks, mumbling his words, his tongue still sleepy. Alex smiles, he can see the corners of his lips swooping up slightly.

“For you”, he whispers like a secret, like the darkness helps to talk. “For Luke”, he continues softly. “For us”, the last two words are whispered so quietly, that Reggie really needs to strain his ears to really understand him.

“Luke will be fine”, Reggie stresses. Alex nods, a short and jerky motion. “He will be”, he repeats and this time, laying his other hand, that’s not checking to make sure Luke keeps breathing, on top of Alex’s.

The drummer inhales raggedly, grinding his teeth to keep in control.

“And, you know, when he’s fine again and we’re out of here, you should definitely tell him how you feel. I think-”, he swallows, pressing on to continue, because these are his best friends and they deserve to be happy, “-I think you would be happy together.”

Alex leans closer. The clouds have broken open and the moon is shining into the room, illuminating the room further. The blond boy looks at him like he always does when Reggie’s obviously missing something. It’s that endearing smile, only now it looks kind of sad the way he looks at Reggie.

“Maybe”, he finally says, he gets up and lays his forehead to Reggie’s. “Still too warm”, he mumbles and then presses his lips to the same place, lets them linger for a moment too long. It feels like Reggie’s heart is trying to jump out of his chest, thumping hard against his ribcage and for a moment he’s certain that Alex hears it as well.

“Sleep, Reg”, he says against his skin and then walks around the bed to lay down on the other side of Luke, pressing his body against his, fingertips inching forward to softly graze around Reggie’s skin. “Go to sleep, I’ll make sure Luke keeps breathing.”

Reggie nods, but sleep doesn’t come again for hours, trying to remember the shape of Alex’s lips on his forehead.

**Author's Note:**

> As always not a native speaker but giving her best. Come find me on tumblr. https://nuandia.tumblr.com/ 
> 
> This happened because in the last weeks I've seen more snow than in the last five years combined and when I visited my parents, me and my mum went on walks through the forest. Basically I kept asking her how long someone could survive without shelter and food and drink and she had no idea so I googled once I got home. And then I made sure that the boys made the worst logical decisions. So ... I hope you enjoyed. 
> 
> Also I feel the need to mention that this work was written long before the situation in Texas happened. This is in no way a realistic description or imagination of what the people are going through. Any similarities (if any at all) are unintentional. 
> 
> This writing should also not be used as a guide on what to do. I did talk to my doctor friend a lot while writing and even if I did understand what was happening I did not necessarily put it in this plot because this is still only a fiction. 
> 
> Also all the love to my sweetie laazucena who supplied me with so many wonderful tags, the title and who was my maths-coordinator.


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